A Collection of Lovely Things

pottersir:

if you think it’s degrading to work in retail remember that voldemort worked at borgin and burkes before he became the dark lord

(Source: pottersir, via rhymeswithpi)

5 days ago
20,594 notes
lalondes:

HOMESTAR RUNNER: A BEGINNER’S GUIDE
The year is 2003. It is a kinder time, a simpler time.
Every single one of your classmates knows how to draw Trogdor the Burninator - first, you draw an S, then you draw a more different S.
"Everybody to the Limit" is a staple at middle school dances.
Your best friend’s little brother owns a plush The Cheat, and you can kick it, and it makes noise.
The year is 2003, the golden age of Homestar Runner.
Basically, every online content creator, every webcomic artist, every YouTube entertainer, owes Homestar Runner a shitload. 
Once upon a time, Homestar Runner was the definitive Flash site, an online destination for kids and immature grown-ups alike, fielding millions of hits and thousands of e-mails a day. 
Homestar Runner, the earnest athlete with a pure heart and a love for mankind, and his arch-nemesis, Strong Bad, a wrestler with a penchant for issuing snarky responses to fanmail, defined a generation through weird, surrealist Flash cartoons tinged with outdated pop cultural references.
Ten years later, there’s a new generation of Internetters who have never experienced the pure, unadulterated joy of H-Star-R, and that breaks my heart. 
So, here, I’ve compiled this beginner’s guide to Homestar Runner. Every cartoon on this list is shorter than five minutes. Get into it. Do yourself a favour.
STEP ONE: STRONG BAD E-MAILS
dragon
techno
comic
japanese cartoon
caper
stunt double
kids’ book
caffeine
army
different town
crying
for kids
montage
bedtime story
hygiene
STEP TWO: TEEN GIRL SQUAD
Episodes #1-15 are available here. Watch them all.
STEP THREE: SHORTS
An Important Rap Song
Where My Hat Is At?
Best Caper Ever
Play Date
The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck In His Craw
One Two, One Two
Fluffy Puff Commercial
STEP FOUR: TOONS
A Jorb Well Done
Cool Things
Date Nite
DNA Evidence
A Folky Tale

lalondes:

HOMESTAR RUNNER: A BEGINNER’S GUIDE

The year is 2003. It is a kinder time, a simpler time.

Every single one of your classmates knows how to draw Trogdor the Burninator - first, you draw an S, then you draw a more different S.

"Everybody to the Limit" is a staple at middle school dances.

Your best friend’s little brother owns a plush The Cheat, and you can kick it, and it makes noise.

The year is 2003, the golden age of Homestar Runner.

Basically, every online content creator, every webcomic artist, every YouTube entertainer, owes Homestar Runner a shitload.

Once upon a time, Homestar Runner was the definitive Flash site, an online destination for kids and immature grown-ups alike, fielding millions of hits and thousands of e-mails a day.

Homestar Runner, the earnest athlete with a pure heart and a love for mankind, and his arch-nemesis, Strong Bad, a wrestler with a penchant for issuing snarky responses to fanmail, defined a generation through weird, surrealist Flash cartoons tinged with outdated pop cultural references.

Ten years later, there’s a new generation of Internetters who have never experienced the pure, unadulterated joy of H-Star-R, and that breaks my heart. 

So, here, I’ve compiled this beginner’s guide to Homestar Runner. Every cartoon on this list is shorter than five minutes. Get into it. Do yourself a favour.

STEP ONE: STRONG BAD E-MAILS

  1. dragon
  2. techno
  3. comic
  4. japanese cartoon
  5. caper
  6. stunt double
  7. kids’ book
  8. caffeine
  9. army
  10. different town
  11. crying
  12. for kids
  13. montage
  14. bedtime story
  15. hygiene

STEP TWO: TEEN GIRL SQUAD

Episodes #1-15 are available here. Watch them all.

STEP THREE: SHORTS

  1. An Important Rap Song
  2. Where My Hat Is At?
  3. Best Caper Ever
  4. Play Date
  5. The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck In His Craw
  6. One Two, One Two
  7. Fluffy Puff Commercial

STEP FOUR: TOONS

  1. A Jorb Well Done
  2. Cool Things
  3. Date Nite
  4. DNA Evidence
  5. A Folky Tale

(Source: scenicroutes, via rhymeswithpi)

1 week ago
40,493 notes

You’ll pry my Oxford comma from my cold, dead, and lifeless hands.

(Source: delgrosso, via au-stentatious)

1 week ago
52,748 notes
retrogasm:

Haha… no one likes to clean up messes…

retrogasm:

Haha… no one likes to clean up messes…

1 week ago
3,051 notes
viktor-sbor:

Robert von Haug. 1857-1922. Ein Abschied. 1890.

viktor-sbor:

Robert von Haug. 1857-1922. Ein Abschied. 1890.

(via vanias-vintage-monstrosity)

1 week ago
812 notes

heyitspj:

[walks up to a straight couple] so which one of you is the dayman and which of you is the nightman

(via mahougalaxy)

5 days ago
6,898 notes
outlawempress:

Frederick William Burton - The Meeting on the Turret Stairs via Micione

outlawempress:

Frederick William Burton - The Meeting on the Turret Stairs via Micione

(via jaded-mandarin)

1 week ago
352 notes
black-american-queen:

saepefidelis:

gwilotine:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.




UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)



This is my favorite fucking post

I lost it at the updated part.
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

black-american-queen:

saepefidelis:

gwilotine:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

This is my favorite fucking post

I lost it at the updated part.

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

(via rhymeswithpi)

1 week ago
115,372 notes

fookyeahconradveidt:

folkmessiah:

gonna watch some HISTORICAL FICTION gonna become EMOTIONALLY INVESTED gonna learn TRUE FACTS gonna get PUMPED gonna go to the LIBRARY

#gonna read some SECONDARY HISTORICAL NARRATIVES, #gonna find they’re 40% NOT TRUE, #gonna go to THE ARCHIVES, #gonna handle ORIGINAL DOCUMENTS, #gonna tell people about THE TRUFAX.

(Source: gonzomessiah, via au-stentatious)

1 week ago
7,394 notes